Which hell do you want?

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that  there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.

At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an  electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for  another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell,  Russian Hell and many more. They are all similarly gruesome. However, at the Indian Hell a long line of people is waiting to get in. Amazed, he  asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then  they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that's the same as the others," says the man. "Why are so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because of the power cuts, the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable. The whip was never replaced in years, now it is as thin as a thread. And the Indian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."

Politics Explained

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We will call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"

Son: "I think so,  Dad. Now it will be easier for me to understand the functioning"

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."

Christmas = Halloween

Why do some engineers get confused between Christmas and Halloween?
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 'Coz DEC 25 = OCT 31

SQSA - Stupid Questions Stupid Answers

What will you call a bald lady in Auto (rickshaw)?
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Automatically (AutoMeinTakli)

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What would you call a girl who never laughs?
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HasiNa

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Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in love with each other and want to get married, but cannot. Why?

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Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is illegal

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How to live longer

So this old man is walking down the street in Chandigarh. He sees a young fat boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast a possible.
The man walks up to the boy and says "Beta, its really not healthy to eat all that candy." The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old."
The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own fucking business."