DDLJ Superheroes style

Wolverine Style:

Baldev Singh (Amrish Puri) asks Raj to give his immortality and he will let him marry his daughter.
Instead Raj kills Baldev and gets Simran to marry Kuljeet. Raj lives for next 300 years.

Spiderman Style:

Raj becomes Spider-man after bitten by a spider in local train toilet. Raj loves Simran and Simran loves spider-man. While Kuljeet becomes green goblin to fight Spider-man. Finally Simran marries Raj only because he is a Bollywood photographer.

Captain America Style:

Raj and Simran meet in German WWII camp. After getting height enlargement surgery, Raj was able to talk to Baldev face-to-face. Baldev tries to flee with Simran in a train, Raj is able to stop the train using his special shield. The train blows off and Raj wakes up 100 years later in Navi Mumbai.

Iron Man Style:

Raj is rich technology tycoon in London who gets kidnapped by Baldev and Kuljeet and taken to India. He manages to escape them by building a self powered suit. Finally there is a fight between Baldev and Raj. Raj Wins. There is no Simran in the movie.

Celeb's children

Two Young girls, a blonde and brunette, student at a high profile prep school in LA, are eating lunch and flipping through celebrity magazine.

Blonde: Oh my god, I forgot to tell you! My mom is getting remarried!
Brunette: No way, to who?
Blonde flips through the magazine and points to a famous Hollywood director
.
.
Brunette (excited): Oh! you will love him! He was my dad last year!!

Pregnant lady

A three-year old Boy walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's clinic.
Boy: Why is your stomach so big?
Lady: Because I am having a baby
Boy: Is the baby inside your stomach?
Lady: Yes, it is
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Lady: Oh, yes. A really good baby
.
.
Boy (shocked): Then why did u eat him?

Weird things spoken by IT guys

Some stuff that only IT guys say which sound weird in real world

1. I loaded the dump today morning
2. I tried again but am not able to reproduce
3. An illegal argument was passed
4. That will be an illegal abortion
5. My life is a dangling pointer
6. My windows broke, now I am trying to work on shell

Reactions after #पोर्न_बैन

• Forget about Make In India, we can't even shake in India
• Why did I format my hard disk?? - cried engineering students
• Ab Broadband ka kya achar banau?
• Arrey, congress ka gussa hamare Haaton pe kyun nikala?
• Parents actually have to talk about Sex to their children now.. 
• Reliance drops the plans of bringing 4G to India
• NRIs thinking of coming back to India dropped their plans - seek visa under political asylum category
• Just before 69th Independence Day, India bans porn
• Guys have started selling their porn stash, on olx and quikr with premium price
• Next generation will never understand the importance of incognito tab or clear history button in Internet browsers